Joke of the Day

[Mavericks Choice]

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know
how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and
I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to
stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male
parrots and the female parrots say,"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his damn widow

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Are you lonesome tonight
is your brastrap too tight
are your corsets just drifting apart
have you got a big chest
making holes in your vest
does your spare tyre
reach out into the night
are your stockings all laddered
are you wearing them thin
do you hold up yor knickers
with a big safety pin
are your false teeth all worn
do they drop when you yawn
well its no wonder your lonesome tonight

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Gladys Dunn recently moved into an apartment in a small town.
One beautiful Sunday morning she walked down the street to a church not far away.
She was in awe of the big beautiful church building as she stepped inside to attend the service. She wasn't too impressed with the sermon, however, thought it was kind of boring and, as she looked around the church, she noticed that many of the members were nodding off.
When the preacher finished his sermon he encouraged the congregation to greet those sitting close by. Gladys turned toward the man sitting on her left. He, too, had fallen asleep and was yawning and stretching trying to wake up. He smiled at her, and Gladys returned the smile. She politely offered her hand and said, "I'm Gladys Dunn." .....
"So am I!" the man replied.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

I took a cab today, and the driver told me " I love my Job, I own this car, I've got my own business, I'm my own boss, NO ONE tells me what to do!".... I said "Turn left Here"

 

[Mavericks Choice]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples'

 

[keith reed]

When I was walking across the park I saw this old man sitting on a bench crying his eyes out. I said what's the matter? He said I've got this beautiful wife who is 30 years younger than me. We have great sex, she is a great cook and housewife and fun to be with. I said looks like you have it made so what are you so upset about? He said I can't remember where I live.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert was diagnosed with a condition called May-Thurner syndrome. According to her team Boebert, 37, sought medical treatment after developing severe swelling in the upper portion of her left leg.
More commonly called testicles.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...
Long
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoon and then say '1-2-3'." When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" the medicine man responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes as she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

 

[Mavericks Choice]

Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - “I'm so sorry, Honey, but you probably don't want to hear the reason."
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW"
Husband “Fine. We finished in less than 4 hours, quick beer in the Clubhouse; I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course, I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer.
She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it, one beer turned to three or four and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table.
She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room, clothes are flying, the talking stopped and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable.
It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth, you got it."
Wife - "That's a complete and Utter load of crap You played 36 holes, didn't you?"